


Medic, Please!

by neptune (poseidon)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Epistolary, Gen, M/M, Online Gaming, Role-Playing Game, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 10,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6812533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poseidon/pseuds/neptune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p class="font-monospace"><em>[Party] bsknight: if someone dies, we're all dead and you will never join our guild and we'll burn all bridges of friendship</em><br/>
<em>[Party] bsknight: but remember, dont be stressed and have fun!</em><br/>
<em>[Party] omgmedic: ... okay?</em><br/>
<em>[Party] oluransi: thats the spirit</em></p><p>The summer after his senior year of high school, Eric Bittle joins a guild.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by my youth playing Baldur's Gate, my recent past playing Dragon Age, and my present playing Star Wars: The Old Republic before realizing all of the fun races were for subscription only.

[Guild] jzimms: ok is everyone online?  
[Guild] bsknight: yea i think so.  
[Guild] bsknight: minus the obvious of course  
[Guild] brickholtz: rans just texted hes running late  
[Guild] jzimms: ok we can wait for him  
[Guild] brickholtz: what dungeon are we doing today?  
[Guild] bsknight: the one in the forest with those dank elves  
[Guild] oluransi: elves are dank af  
[Guild] oluransi: especially forest elves  
[Guild] bsknight: lol look who finally decided to show  
[Guild] brickholtz: shits - the only man i know who can pull off saying lol unironically  
[Guild] jzimms: yeah we are heading to that dungeon  
[Guild] jzimms: justin you need to be better at dodging projectiles and adam and shitty need to get better at hitting fast moving targets  
[Guild] oluransi: k you’re the boss jman  
[Guild] brickholtz: hey is johnson online or nah?  
[Guild] brickholtz: i can never tell  
[Guild] metaphysics: i'm here  
[Guild] metaphysics: already at the dungeon  
[Guild] jzimms: great let's meet up with him  
[Guild] metaphysics: you should know, there's already someone here  
[Guild] bsknight: what  
[Guild] oluransi: what  
[Guild] brickholtz: what  
[Guild] brickholtz: arent we in the vietnamese server?  
[Guild] brickholtz: they literally got the game last week lardo said so  
[Guild] brickholtz: so how can a n00b already be at a lvl 35 dungeon  
[Guild] oluransi: lol n00b  
[Guild] oluransi: but yeah you got a point  
[Guild] oluransi: johnson is he any good  
[Guild] metaphysics: you'll see  
[Guild] bsknight: i never understand him even when i'm sober  
[Guild] jzimms: let's just focus on our job okay  
[Guild] jzimms: i'm sure they won't bother us  
[Guild] jzimms: we have to focus  
[Guild] bsknight: hes right  
[Guild] bsknight: as guild co-captain i order you all at the dungeon pronto  
[Guild] oluransi: we're already here  
[Guild] bsknight: good  
[Guild] bsknight: just checking  
[Guild] bsknight: ready to kick some ass?  
[Guild] oluransi: you know it  
[Guild] jzimms: adam go ahead and scout  
[Guild] brickholtz: shit guys there's a lvl 50 boss here  
[Guild] brickholtz: i think its one of those rare encounter ones  
[Guild] brickholtz: probs has super swawesome loot  
[Guild] jzimms: im not sure if we're ready for that right now  
[Guild] jzimms: can you get some stats?  
[Guild] brickholtz: shit it saw me  
[Guild] brickholtz: help

You have entered a battle with [Forest Guardian].  
Forest Guardian: Leave. Now.

[General] bsknight: waswdsdwasdaws  
[General] bsknight: oh shit

[bsknight] has been defeated.  
[omgmedic] has joined the fight.  
[bsknight] was revived by [omgmedic].  
You have low health.  
You were healed by [omgmedic]  
[Forest Guardian] has been defeated.  
Your party has received experience.  
Your loot has been transferred to your inventory.

[General] bsknight: dude  
[General] bsknight: that was  
[General] bsknight: SWAWESOME omg ive never been revived before  
[General] bsknight: normally i just die and stay dead  
[General] bsknight: u saved my life that’s swawesome  
[General] omgmedic: haha why thank you  
[General] omgmedic: honestly when i saw how badly yall were losing i knew i couldnt just sit here idly  
[General] omgmedic: plus you were the first english speakers ive seen in a long while  
[General] brickholtz: we're on a vietnamese server  
[General] omgmedic: well that sure explains a lot

[Whisper] bsknight: we should invite him into our guild  
[Whisper] jzimms: shitty we barely know him  
[Whisper] bsknight: and yet he elected to help us  
[Whisper] bsknight: lets consult with the group at least

[General] bsknight: hey can you wait here just a moment?  
[General] omgmedic: sure

[Guild] bsknight: we should totes invite this guy into our guild  
[Guild] oluransi: he seems like a nice guy but idk we barely know him  
[Guild] oluransi: plus he used the 'lie down on the floor' command every time the boss tried attacking him  
[Guild] brickholtz: i’ll be real, i thought that was a pretty sick move we should probs use sometime again  
[Guild] brickholtz: i'm down for him joining  
[Guild] jzimms: i have my reservations still...  
[Guild] metaphysics: perhaps if we try fighting with him again here, with a normal boss, we can see if he'll be fit for our guild  
[Guild] bsknight: thats not a bad idea  
[Guild] bsknight: jack you down?  
[Guild] jzimms: fine

[General] bsknight: yo thnx for waiting  
[General] bsknight: we think you might be good for our guild, but we wanna be sure first  
[General] bsknight: so we're gonna have another battle sometime soon to see if you'll fit in  
[General] omgmedic: wow thats great  
[General] bsknight: its no prob just pm me your email k?  
[General] omgmedic: all right i'll do it now  
[General] omgmedic: any idea on the task itself?  
[General] bsknight: nope

[Guild] jzimms: it's getting late i gotta get to practice  
[Guild] oluransi: k text when you're done  
[Guild] brickholtz: good luck  
[Guild] jzimms: thanks  


You have logged off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texts between Jack and Shitty.

 

 

**Shitty**

I don’t get it  
Why do you want him to join our guild   
so badly?  
We already have a decent healer

yeah and she’s away in wherever she is  
 for who knows how long

You don’t know when she’ll be back?

she said this month or next month  
it’s summer so she’s not worried  
 about making it back in time for exams or  
 anything

Glad I don’t have to deal with tests or   
homework

well you kinda do with your super  
 extensive Zimmerman-brand hockey  
 practice

You have a point  
But back to the topic  
Let’s not go easy on him just because   
he’s on level 10

he just got to level 10 after that boss  
he was on level 4 before  
level 4 jack  
level  
4

…  
Okay  
Well practice is about to start  
Bounce some dungeons off of the   
group, see which they’d think would be an   
accurate test

will do  
good luck

thanks  
will text when I'm done


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group chat shenanigans

**Group Chat**

**Justin  
** k so are we all in agreement?

**Adam**  
yeah go for it

**Justin**  
ok i’m gonna do it  
last chance to stop me

**Shitty**  
omfg just do it already

**Justin**  
ok  
i did it

**Adam**  
how do you feel?

**Justin**  
i’ll be real, i srsly regret it now

Did all of you spend the last couple of hours helping Justin write out a text instead of what we were supposed to work on?

**Shitty**  
to be fair, Johnson said he’d come up with something and then he never texted

**Justin**  
yeah and then i got this text and idk how to respond to it

Right.  
Let’s just make up for lost time.  
Johnson?

**Johnson**  
yo

**Adam  
** dude were you here the whole time

**Johnson  
** yup

**Justin**  
and you didn’t contribute to the conversation at all

**Johnson**  
nope

**Justin  
** k just checking

Johnson, have you come up with anything?

**Johnson**  
well, I was thinking we could go to a dungeon that requires heavy heaving abilities

**Shitty  
** like the vamp one

**Adam  
** we almost died last time we faced that

**Justin**  
yeah it was because of lardo we survived  
btw she sent me an email saying she’ll be back next month

**Shitty**  
she did?  
that’s great

Tell her we said hi

**Justin  
** will do

All right, so vampire dungeon?

**Adam**  
since we can’t come up with anything else, sure

**Justin**  
yeah sounds good

Ok I got to go  
Remember to send the email

**Shitty**  
yeah I won’t forget

**Justin**  
shit  
march just replied

**Adam  
** that quick?

**Shitty**  
what does it say???

I’ll text later, then


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emails between Shitty and Bitty.

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: yo

hey it’s the guy from the vietnamese server you were on – how’re you doing?

now that we got the formalities out of the way, are you busy tomorrow? we got a challenge figured out for you. just let us know what time will be good for you

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: yo

I’m doing well, thank you J

Tomorrow will be fine. I’ll be free at around 5 pm EST, though I might be a tad late – I’m helping my mother out with a charity event this summer and we have to bake all these pies and while it’s marvelous, it does cut into gaming time.

Also, you’re a Harvard student???

\---

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: RE: RE: yo

great we’ll give you the server details once we’ve logged on ourselves

you bake pies for charity? wow

and yeah, Harvard undergrad atm. but we’ll find out more about each other once you’ve passed the test, probs

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: yo

Looking forward to it <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The test

You have entered [Castle of the Dead].

[General] bsknight: sweet ur here  
[General] bsknight: k hold on

[bsknight] has invited you to a party.  
You have joined [bsknight]'s party.

[Party] bsknight: k everyone bitty's joined  
[Party] bsknight: mind if i call you bitty?  
[Party] omgmedic: not at all!  
[Party] bsknight: sweet  
[Party] bsknight: you can call me shitty  
[Party] bsknight: the elf is ransom and the berserker is holster  
[Party] oluransi: yo  
[Party] brickholtz: glad to see you lvled up  
[Party] omgmedic: haha well i got some new weapons when i helped yall defeat that forest guardian and it made it easier to beat tougher enemies  
[Party] omgmedic: now im lvl 21, as you can see  
[Party] brickholtz: cool  
[Party] bsknight: we got two other guys, but one's out of the country and the other's tied up at his internship  
[Party] bsknight: something about the author forgetting he's a character and was in need of a deus ex machina  
[Party] bsknight: he says weird shit like that all the time  
[Party] brickholtz: you think you get used to it except you don't  
[Party] brickholtz: you never do...  
[Party] jzimms: we dont have time to dwaddle  
[Party] bsknight: and that is our guild leader, jack  
[Party] bsknight: as you can see, a ball of fun  
[Party] jzimms: explain the rules to him  
[Party] bsknight: kk  
[Party] bsknight: we're about to fight a lvl 45 dungeon boss  
[Party] bsknight: its a hp sucking vamp, which makes it difficult to fight since the more hp you take from him, the more he sucks from you  
[Party] bsknight: we have a strategy for attacking him, but your task is to make sure no one dies  
[Party] bsknight: if someone dies, we're all dead and you will never join our guild and we'll burn all bridges of friendship  
[Party] bsknight: but remember, dont be stressed and have fun!  
[Party] omgmedic: ... okay?  
[Party] oluransi: thats the spirit  
[Party] jzimms: just don't get in our way  
[Party] jzimms: i'll go first

[Whisper] bsknight: don't worry about jack, he just takes this very seriously  
[Whisper] omgmedic: you don't say

[Whisper] jzimms: shitty stop talking about me behind my back  
[Whisper] bsknight: dude  
[Whisper] bsknight: you gotta teach me how to do that sometime

[Party] jzimms: we're almost at the boss now  
[Party] jzimms: everyone at full health?

You healed [bsknight].  
You healed [oluransi].  
You healed [brickholtz].  
You healed [jzimms].

[Party] oluransi: lol he healed jack last  
[Party] brickholtz: haha  
[Party] omgmedic: it wasn't on purpose  
[Party] oluransi: ;)  
[Party] jzimms: I assume this means we're all ready, so i'm going in

You have entered a battle with [Lord of the Castle].  
Lord of the Castle: You'll never get out of here alive.

[Party] omgmedic: good lord

You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [brickholtz].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [brickholtz].  
You healed [oluransi].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [bsknight].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [brickholtz].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].

[Whisper] omgmedic: are you trying to get yourself killed??  
[Whisper] jzimms: don't message and fight. Focus  
[Whisper] omgmedic: :|

You healed [oluransi].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [brickholtz].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [bsknight].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You have defeated [Lord of the Castle].  
Your party has recieved experience.  
Congratulations! You have levelled up to [Level 22].  
Your loot has been transferred to your inventory.

[Party] brickholtz: woohoo! we did it!  
[Party] brickholtz: thnx a lot, bitty!  
[Party] oluransi: yea man, it went much better this time  
[Party] oluransi: last time, we were all dead except shitty who kept putting up a shield and jack who kept going at the guy like crazy  
[Party] brickholtz: our designated healer ran out of all her potions by the end of the battle  
[Party] oluransi: dont you still owe lardo like, 5000 gold?  
[Party] jzimms: i've paid it back  
[Party] jzimms: most of it  
[Party] bsknight: you were gr8, bitty  
[Party] omgmedic: thank you!! all of you!! :))  
[Party] brickholtz: jack did u thank bitty?  
[Party] oluransi: did you???  
[Party] omgmedic: it's fine, really, i was just doing my job  
[Party] bsknight: you did it great  
[Party] bsknight: anything you wanna add, jack?  
[Party] jzimms: lets head back to a neutral zone and equip  
[Party] jzimms: there's another dungeon i wanted to try today before we stop for the day.

[Whisper] bsknight: srsly???  
[Whisper] jzimms: what?

[Party] oluransi: sorry man but im out  
[Party] oluransi: my auntie's coming up for a couple of days and i gotta pick her up from the airport  
[Party] brickholtz: is she the one who makes that kickass jollof rice?  
[Party] oluransi: yes  
[Party] brickholtz: duuuuuude  
[Party] oluransi: ;P  
[Party] bsknight: i gotta get off too  
[Party] bsknight: fancy dinner tonight  
[Party] bsknight: i'm gonna hate it  
[Party] brickholtz: suuuucks  
[Party] oluransi: i guess we're not doing another dungeon tonight?  
[Party] jzimms: i guess not  
[Party] jzimms: all right, lets log off  
[Party] bsknight: aHEM  
[Party] jzimms: oh, right

[jzimms] has invited you to join [hockey butts].  
You have joined [hockey butts].

[Guild] jzimms: i didnt name it  
[Guild] bsknight: its a pretty swawesome name tho, isn't it?  
[Guild] bsknight: we're all huge hockey fans here  
[Guild] omgmedic: omg i am too!  
[Guild] oluransi: no way!!!  
[Guild] oluransi: whats ur fave team?  
[Guild] omgmedic: i don't follow it as much as i used to b/c i was real busy last season  
[Guild] omgmedic: but i'd have to say the falconers  
[Guild] omgmedic: they're such a great bunch  
[Guild] omgmedic: and tater is hilarious i mean he and "zimbomi" lolo  
[Guild] omgmedic: zimmerman really is the sweetest thing i mean have you seen his post-game interviews?  
[Guild] brickholtz: oh yes, we have  
[Guild] brickholtz: ;)  
[Guild] bsknight: yeah jack really likes the falconers  
[Guild] oluransi: you could say it's his fave team  
[Guild] brickholtz: definitely  
[Guild] omgmedic: wow would you look at that haha  
[Guild] omgmedic: probably shouldve guessed from the name - looks a little like zimmerman's official nickname, right?  
[Guild] jzimms: yeah  
[Guild] jzimms: it does  
[Guild] oluransi: k well i'd love to stay and chat more about hockey but i gtg  
[Guild] bsknight: yea same here  
[Guild] omgmedic: ok have fun and good luck  
[Guild] oluransi: thanks  
[Guild] brickholtz: bye  
[Guild] jzimms: bye

[oluransi] has logged off.

[Guild] bsknight: uuuugh this is gonna be loads of fun  
[Guild] brickholtz: keep us updated  
[Guild] bsknight: will do

[bsknight] has logged off.

[Guild] omgmedic: k well i guess i'll log off too  
[Guild] brickholtz: k we'll let you know when we're playing again  
[Guild] omgmedic: thanks!  
[Guild] omgmedic: bye!  
[Guild] brickholtz: bye  
[Guild] jzimms: bye

[Whisper] jzimms: oh, and eric  
[Whisper] jzimms: thank you  
[Whisper] omgmedic: it was no problem  
[Whisper] omgmedic: :)

You have logged off.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More group chat shennanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals are over!~

**Group Chat**

**Adam  
** is it just me or is anyone else shocked that bitty had no clue jack is Jack Zimmerman

**Justin**  
he is a literal ray of sunshine that must be protected

**Shitty  
** agreed

You don’t think we should tell him?

**Adam**  
r u kidding?  
no way he’d believe us

**Justin  
** best thing to do is to wait until we know him better and then drop the bomb dramatically

I don’t think he’d believe us then, either

**Justin**  
it’ll still be funny tho  
oh, holtsy, when r u coming over?

**Adam**  
still booking my flight  
might be able to make it by canada day  
though ur definitely spending 4th of july in the states

**Shitty**  
srsly that is non-negotiable  
jack, you too

I don’t know if we’ll be able to make it…

**Johnson**  
have faith in the plot, jack

**Shitty**  
yeah!  
whatever that means

**Adam  
** Johnson why don’t you ever speak english???

**Johnson  
** technically I do

**Adam  
** :|

**Justin  
** hey do you guys think we should invite bitty into the group chat yet?

**Adam**  
idk we don’t know him well yet  
though he doesn’t seem all that bad

**Shitty**  
he doesn’t seem bad at all  
he bakes pies for charity!

Let’s wait for a dungeon or two, and then decide  
Though I’m not against the idea

**Adam  
** you just like him cause you’re his fave player

**Justin  
** <33333

…  
Seriously?

**Justin**  
<3  
hey shits, mind if i send over some q’s i wanna ask bitty?

**Adam  
** yeah same here

**Shitty**  
I’ll see if they’re ok to ask  
we literally just met him, remember  
you got any questions, jack?

No, I’m good  
I gotta go, maman is calling me for dinner

**Shitty  
** send her my love

**Adam  
** mine too

**Justin**  
and mine!

**Shitty  
** but most importantly mine

She says she loves you all  
Including you, Shitty

**Shitty**  
ha hear that  
she loves me most

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More emails between Shitty and Bitty.

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

hey so the group has a couple of questions for you is it okay if i ask them?

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

Sure, no problem! Y’all seem like such nice people – I’m happy to be a part of your guild :)

\---

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

thnx man we’re happy to have u too

anyways so first big questions: you’re southern? And two – do you play hockey?

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

Yes, I am from the South – Georgia born and raised. We type out the y’alls down here too. Or, well, at least I do.

And no, I actually figure skate. My trainer, Katya, actually got me into hockey, except she’s real intense about it and starts swearing in rapid Russian when her team (Bruins) loses a game. It used to be scary but I learn some new words every time

\---

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

that’s hilarious

katya sounds like a badass

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

Haha, she really is ;)

What about you guys? What teams do you support?

\---

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

well jack’s a huge fan of the falconers, like a huge ass fanboy, so we all support him by rooting for the same team

if you wanna get into jack’s good graces, you send him his namesake’s jersey that’ll get him all hot and bothered in the hockey sense

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

Lord, Jack sounds like a much better person when you get to know him. He seemed, idk, dismissive when we were playing yesterday. Was something wrong?

\---

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

nah he just gets real anal when playing this game

hockey and gaming and jack – your classic ot3

btw we’re not playing today but tomorrow around noon. that good for you?

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

Yup, that’s good for me :)

I hope I get to know him and the rest of the guild, very soon

Were there any more questions from them?

\---

To: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
From: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

ah you know, the ush – five biggest hopes, dreams, and fears, favorite food, favorite color, name of your first born – all that shit

but i'll let them ask you tomorrow instead k?

\---

To: B. Knight <bknight@harvard.edu>  
From: Eric Bittle <ericbittle@gmail.com>  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: yo

Okay I hope I can come up with some answers…

See you tomorrow! XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will likely be less common starting on Monday, due to some real life stuff. Hopefully I can have at least one chapter a week.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain someone's vlog updates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter so far.

**Transcript of Vlog – June 2013 #1**

Hey, y’all! I know it’s been a while since I last updated. Finals were going on and, well, if you saw me last episode, you’d know how I was. I can’t tell you how many stress pies I baked – Mother could, since she ate most of them. So could half of the football team, since Coach handed them out at a couple of his practices…

But it all paid off ‘cause I passed _all_ of my exams – _including_ the terrifying Physics exam I was so worried about – so now I just have to wait and see if the college got my final transcripts and then I’ll be home free!

In the meantime, since I finished playing Knights of the Old Republic – and honestly, I’m _still_ upset female Revan isn’t canon – I tried my hand on my first ever MMORPG. It’s the really popular one everyone is playing, Dragon’s Gate. I started out as a small human medic and boy, oh boy, these fantasy RPGs don’t prepare you for anything in the MMORPG world.

What happened was, I started out on a Vietnamese server on accident – I’m still confused as to what exactly a server is but that’s another story – and had no clue as to what anyone was talking about in the chats. But I did manage to level up a bit in this cute little forest with all these evil elves, so that was helpful.

Then this party shows up and they take on this boss and, well, it’s obvious they don’t have anyone healing them because one of them dies and the others are about to follow. Lucky for them I had _just_ upgraded my shield to protect a large party because I bought a mount and I didn’t want him getting hurt – oh, he’s a cute little unicorn named Steve, just the sweetest thing, you’ve probably seen pictures of him all over my Twitter if you’re following me – but back to the point.

After I jumped in and we finished the battle, they asked me if I could do a trial run in a dungeon with them the next day and when we finished that successfully, they added me to their guild – I’m in my first guild!

It’s small – literally just them and someone they refer to as Lardo. Actually, they have a lot of weird names for each other – one of them, everyone calls Shitty – and he actively responds to it. He’s very nice, so I don’t think they call him Shitty because of the way he acts. Though he has said some things that make me question how sober he is when gaming.

[Screenshot of in-game chat:

[Guild] bsknight: dfhsdjfhdvl;gjvgeGPQG93  
[Guild] bsknight: sorry cat over my keyboard  
[Guild] bsknight: wait  
[Guild] bsknight: i dont have a cat  
[Guild] bsknight: bruh  
[Guild] bsknight: i think i just adopted a cat  
[Guild] brickholtz: omg  
[Guild] oluransi: go make sure you got cat food we’ll wait]

He’s certainly a character, as Mother would say.

Then there’s brickholtz and oluransi – or, Holster and Ransom, respectively. They’re nice too, though they can be a bit… vulgar?

[Screenshot of in-game chat:

[Guild] oluransi: im gonna be eatin out tonight  
[Guild] oluransi: u kno what that means?  
[Guild] omgmedic: no  
[Guild] brickholtz: pussy  
[Guild] brickholtz: hes gonna be eating pussy  
[Guild] oluransi: damn straight]

That _might_ be a bit of a misrepresentation – they’re actually very nice! They helped explain to me the goal of the guild, but I’ll get to that later.

Then there’s Johnson, whose username happens to represent his entire being. Or so he says.

[Screenshot of in-game chat:

[Guild] metaphysics: my username represents my entire being  
[Guild] brickholtz: johnson we r in a fucking battle rn wtf r u doing????  
[Guild] metaphysis: this message isn’t meant for you  
[Guild] brickholtz: what kind of cryptic bullshit  


[brickholtz] has been defeated.

[Guild] brickholtz: fuck this]

I don’t know him that well, but he’s also a character. Another thing he likes to say, though not the way I mean it.

And finally, there’s Jack. While I can’t _entirely_ hate him because he likes the Falconers, I do harbor some, well… okay just look at this:

[Screenshot of in-game chat:

[Guild] jzimms: good run everyone  
[Guild] jzimms: but eric  
[Guild] jzimms: level up]

I just – ( _groan_ ) who says that? Who actually says stuff like that?

Ugh, let’s move on.

Right, so here’s Ransom and Holster about to explain something very important to me.

[Screenshot of in-game chat:

[Guild] oluransi: k bits, here’s ur ultra-slick quick guide to wtf we’re doing in this guild  
[Guild] brickholtz: guild shit with ransom and holster  
[Guild] oluransi: yup basically  
[Guild] omgmedic: I’m listening. Or, well, reading.  
[Guild] oluransi: you’re adorable, bitty  
[Guild] oluransi: anyway our mission this summer is big  
[Guild] brickholtz: bold  
[Guild] oluransi: grand  
[Guild] brickholtz: huuuuge  
[Guild] oluransi: we’re gonna tackle  
[Guild] brickholtz: THE DRAGON DUNGEON  
[Guild] omgmedic: the what now?]

So apparently, the Dragon Dunegon is the hardest one in the entire game. Only one player in the entire game managed to complete it all on their own, earning the title of Dragonslayer. A couple of guilds tried to do it, but few succeeded. We hope to be one of the few who do.

This whole thing was Jack’s idea, but it is a good idea. Fun, challenging, except he’s super –

Oh, darn, Mother’s calling me downstairs. I guess I’ll have to cut this short. I’ll try to get another video out soon, maybe include a playthrough of one of the dungeons. Until then, follow me on Twitter at omgrpgsplease!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone gets added to the group chat.

**Group Chat**

All right, everyone  
I’m here!

**Ransom**  
yo bitty

**Holster**  
s’up?  
shitty is skyping his mom atm so he’ll be back later

Okay no problem  
This is kind of exciting, being in a gaming group chat

**Holster  
** tbh we don’t talk much gaming here

**Ransom**  
yeah we mostly just chirp jack and shitty

**Jack**  
and we chirp you back  
hey eric

Hi  
Btw, what is chirping, exactly?

**Holster**  
bro you are honestly the most innocent being in existence  
to chirp is to dispatch the competition with witticisms that lower esteem, assert dominance, and put benders in place

**Ransom**  
simply put – to talk smack  
holsty you should defs make a dictionary

**Holster  
** I kno bro

**Shitty**  
gdi I hate my dad  
he’s a total asshat

**Jack**  
anything you wanna talk about, shits?

**Shitty**  
no  
hey bits  
whats up?

Not much, just getting ready

**Ransom  
** ooh for a hot date??

**Holster  
** ;) ;)

Lol no  
My father is a football coach and he’s being honored tonight for something I don’t remember  
I’m not that into football though so it won’t be much fun

**Holster**  
huh  
well, im sure it won’t be entirely boring

**Ransom  
** they’ll probs serve free food there so eat lots

**Shitty**  
and if you can send some over  
I haven’t had a real meal in a couple of days

**Ransom  
** shitty wtf r u doing???

**Shitty**  
remember that rando cat in my apartment?  
well apparently I didn’t adopt it  
it came from the air vents  
there are some reasons how this happened but it’s too real for texts  
but basically I’m living in a hotel for a couple of days

**Holster  
** shit

:(  
Anything we can do?

**Shitty**  
nah  
it should be fixed in a couple of days  
but in the meantime I can’t play  
cause I only got my work laptop with me

**Ransom  
** suuucks

**Holster  
** guess we’re breaking until shitty gets his life figured out?

**Shitty**  
that’ll never happen  
let’s go small and say break until my apartment gets figured out

**Jack**  
yeah I was gonna announce that today  
we’ll tell Johnson when he’s back from his internship

Okay sounds good  
Got to go now, but I’ll message when I’m back!

**Shitty**  
have fun  
stay safe  
we love you!  
…  
too soon?

**Ransom**  
yeah a little bit  
but honestly?  
same


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texts between Jack and Shitty

**Shitty**

Hey are you sure there’s nothing you wanna talk about?

Yea  
don’t worry about it

You know that’s hard for me  
not worrying

Lol yea  
ok fine so basically dad called me and said that im sups immature and irresponsible and all the usual bs  
and then he says he’s gonna cut me off unless i take an internship one of his WASP friends is offering  
but you know how much I like doing what I do and volunteering locally and getting high and gaming and not working with organized business

Yeah I know  
sorry I can’t do anything to help

It’s fine, Jack  
ur here when I need u  
:)

Thanks

anyway so whatre u gonna do now that we need to take a break

idk maybe level up some  
I got this double xp thing from this quest I did a while back

swawesome  
hey take bitty with you

why?

You’ve said many times he needs to lvl up and shit  
help him out  
and get to know him better  
it’s a great idea and you know it

I’ll think about it  
No guarantees though  
And seriously, tell me if you need anything, okay? It would be no trouble at all

Ugh fine  
And yeah, I’ll let you know if I need anything, don’t worry, no need to mother hen me, bruh  
Tell your mom I said hi

Will do


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack texts Bitty (finally!!!)

**Jack**

Hey, Eric, are you busy tomorrow?

No, not really  
Why?

I know you said earlier that you’ve been having trouble levelling up and I know a couple of quests that can give double xp, if you want to try them out

So you’re going to give me private levelling up sessions?

Yeah  
Just while Shitty is out  
And if you’re interested

Well I guess double experience wouldn’t hurt  
okay, let’s do it

Great  
Be up and ready by about 9:30 am  
I’ll text you then  
Night

Wait, nine am??  
Jack?  
Jack???  
oh good lord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, I've published all my pre-written chapters. Hopefully I'll be able to write the next one in time for next week. Or the week after.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the chapter you've all been waiting for - Bitty and Jack's lone adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update - I was at my own college orientation recently. It was pretty much stress city.

You have entered [Townshend].

 

[Whisper] jzimms: good you're here  
[Whisper] omgmedic: sorry i'm late  
[Whisper] omgmedic: my mother has a nasty cough and she refused to get medicine so there was a whole mess there for a while as my father and i tried getting her to take it  
[Whisper] omgmedic: but she's asleep now so we can play uninterrupted for a good while  
[Whisper] jzimms: okay, i'll add you to my party

 

[jzimms] has invited you to a party.  
You have joined [jzimms]'s party.

 

[Party] jzimms: great  
[Party] jzimms: now since there's only two of us, you'll be more of a fighter than a healer  
[Party] jzimms: there's a decent boss in a dungeon around here that can easily let you level up to 35 in one hit  
[Party] jzimms: he's a level 50 but don't worry i have a strategy  
[Party] jzimms: all you have to do is take out the minions and i'll focus on the big boss  
[Party] jzimms: it'll be fun  
[Party] omgmedic: ...  
[Party] jzimms: what?  
[Party] omgmedic: nothing  
[Party] jzimms: okay let's go

 

You have left [Townshend].  
You have entered [The Great Valley].

 

[Party] omgmedic: so, jack, you like the falconers?  
[Party] jzimms: yes  
[Party] omgmedic: i can't believe they didn't get to win this year  
[Party] omgmedic: they had a great run though  
[Party] omgmedic: but jack  
[Party] omgmedic: well 'zimboni' not you lol  
[Party] omgmedic: he looked so beat up about not winning  
[Party] omgmedic: but it wasn't his fault with what happened before the game, you know  
[Party] jzimms: eric i think we should just focus on what's happening in the game and not about hockey right now, okay?  
[Party] omgmedic: okay  
[Party] omgmedic: but i just want to say that the media can get so terribly nasty  
[Party] jzimms: eric  
[Party] omgmedic: right sorry

 

You have entered [Salrock's Lair].

 

[Party] jzimms: There are a couple of bats lurking around so be on the lookout  
[Party] omgmedic: okay  
[Party] omgmedic: dear lord what the hell was that???  
[Party] jzimms: a bat  
[Party] omgmedic: that looked more like a demon than a bat  
[Party] jzimms: well  
[Party] jzimms: yeah, they do  
[Party] jzimms: they're immune to fire but weak to ice so hang on

 

[jzimms] has gifted you [Apostle Ice Staff].

 

[Party] jzimms: just shoot at them  
[Party] jzimms: decent xp, crap loot  
[Party] omgmedic: wow  
[Party] omgmedic: thank you  
[Party] jzimms: its no problem  
[Party] omgmedic: so do you keep notifications on for every enemy you defeat or just the bosses?  
[Party] jzimms: all of them, usually  
[Party] jzimms: but leaving it on the default isn't bad  
[Party] omgmedic: yea it's easier for me to keep only the bosses and then whenever someone dies or when i heal them, instead of each of my attacks and everyone elses attacks and whatnot  
[Party] jzimms: i get it  
[Party] jzimms: one time shitty and i were in this dungeon against a lvl 50 boss and he did barrier fifty times in a row so it wouldn't run out during the battle  
[Party] jzimms: which isn't how barrier works, by the way  
[Party] jzimms: his notifications spammed our chat boxes and he didn't see my message telling him how to defeat it  
[Party] omgmedic: good lord  
[Party] omgmedic: what happened then?  
[Party] jzimms: we both died  
[Party] jzimms: ah there's the boss

 

You have entered a battle with [Salrock].  
Salrock: This is where you meet your doom, Adventurer.

 

[Party] omgmedic: these monsters aren't that terrifying  
[Party] omgmedic: the bats were scarier  
[Party] jzimms: definitely  
[Party] jzimms: it's weakness is still ice though  
[Party] omgmedic: don't worry i got this

 

You healed [jzimms].

 

[Party] omgmedic: crap jack i've run out of mana  
[Party] omgmedic: AH IT'S SHOOTING HELLFIRE  
[Party] omgmedic: JACK  
[Party] jzimms: eric just keep defending until you've got your mana back  
[Party] jzimms: or do that  
[Party] jzimms: sure

 

You healed [jzimms].   
You have defeated [Salrock].  
Your party has recieved experience.  
Congratulations! You have levelled up to [Level 37].  
Your loot has been transferred to your inventory.

 

[Party] omgmedic: woohoo we did it!  
[Party] jzimms: you did good eric  
[Party] jzimms: though next time it's easier to defend than to lie down on the floor  
[Party] omgmedic: i barely have any defense points  
[Party] omgmedic: maxed out my magic instead  
[Party] jzimms: i know a place you can good armor  
[Party] jzimms: head there next?  
[Party] omgmedic: let's go

 

You have left [Salrock's Lair].


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texts between Jack and Bitty.

# Jack

Hey sorry about earlier  
I know you wanted to do a fourth dungeon but my laptop battery died right when we got to that one  
:(

It’s fine, Eric  
Despite what Shitty says, I do have a life outside this game  
How is the new armour holding up?

Lol  
It’s much better than my apprentice tunic, thanks  
“armour”?

That’s the spelling here in Canada

Oh, wow!  
I didn’t know you were Canadian

Yeah, me and Justin both grew up there  
He’s up there for the summer but I’m down in the States

Did you two know each other before the guild?

No, we actually met because of it  
He and Adam tell the story better, though

Lol I bet  
What are you up to now?

Just checking out some hockey news  
Couple of players might be traded around, I hear  
What about you?

Funnily enough, hockey news of a different variety  
Zimmermann was spotted in this cutesy bakery by a fan and took some photos  
First public appearance since the end of the season

Oh, yeah  
That’s good for him

It is  
I hope he’s doing well  
It’s awful what happened to him  
A lot of his fans were really supportive, though

Yeah?

They organized all this stuff about anxiety/stress management and sent supportive letters to him  
I sent one too

That was very kind of you

Lol thank you  
I doubt it really stuck out but it’s the thought that counts, you know?  
I also sent him a pie

A pie?

Yes  
I bake  
A lot

I see  
Do you know if he ever got the pie?

No, but I hope he did  
I hope he appreciated it

I’m sure he did  
He has a nice and dedicated fanbase, though he doesn’t interact with them much

Yeah, a lot of them are nice  
Though it’s a good thing he doesn’t look too deeply into his fandom or he’d find the fanfiction

Fanfiction?

You’ve never read a hockey fandom fanfic?

I don’t even know what a 'fanfic' is

Omg  
Well it’s kinda weird, to some people  
But basically it’s fictional stories about real people or characters from tv shows, movies, books, and sports  
Mostly hockey and soccer  
Some are just ??? but there are a lot of good written ones  
Want to check one out?

Sure?

I just emailed you one

Not at my computer right now but I’ll check it out in a bit  
What’s it about

It’s this cute coffee shop au of Jack and Kent

Kent as in Kent Parson?

Lol yeah  
People ship them really hard, after seeing them together in the minors  
Even I have to admit there is some chemistry there  
Especially after the last game with the look on Kent’s face after Jack stormed off the ice like that

Sorry, Eric, I got to go

Oh okay  
Is everything all right?  
Jack?

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact - though I didn't write a chapter for it, Jack texts Shitty immediately after Bitty sends him the fic and Shitty reveals that he has, in fact, been keeping up on the Jack Zimmermann fic and fandom on his behalf. He's read the fic in question and thought it was pretty good.
> 
> Also, Jack did receive Bitty's pie (and it was delicious) but the letter attached was lost in the mail. Jack thinks fondly back to this pie after Bitty reminds him of it and plans to thank him when the truth is revealed.

# Group Chat

**Lardo  
** guess who’s back in the states???

**Ransom  
** LARDO!

**Holster**  
OMG!!!  
when did you get back???

**Lardo**  
lol  
like 2 mins ago  
still at the airport  
shitty where tf are u???

**Jack**  
He got in his car a couple of minutes ago, will be there soon  
Nice to have you back

**Lardo**  
you too, bruh  
who’s the new guy

**Ransom**  
oh that’s eric  
we call him bitty  
he’s our new healer

**Lardo**  
niiice  
good to meet you, bitty

Nice to meet you too, Lardo  
I’ve heard so many nice things about you

**Lardo**  
lol well these shits never told me anything about you  
I’m sure we’ll get to know each other soon  
anyway how’s our progress been so far  
you guys gotten to lvl 70 yet?

**Holster  
** no one except jack lol

**Jack**  
guilty as charged

**Lardo**  
called it

**Holster  
** we’re gonna tackle one of the dragon bosses when shitty’s computer is fixed

**Lardo**  
his computer is broken??  
sucks man I wanted to start gaming asap

**Ransom**  
you literally just got back

**Lardo  
** so?

**Ransom**  
nvermind

**Lardo  
** hey eric, what lvl are you?

46, finally  
I was on lvl 10 before I joined this guild

**Lardo**  
yea man these guys are fucking crazy  
especially jack  
it’s all because of him we’re here

Lol he’s a real nice guy  
if a bit obsessed

**Jack**  
guys I’m right here

**Lardo**  
;P  
anyway bitty did you even know who he was when you found out?

Found what out?

**Holster**  
uhhhh

What’s going on?  
What didn’t you guys tell me?

**Jack**  
guys…

**Lardo**  
They didn’t tell you that Jack’s  
Canadian  
He’s Canadian

Oh that lol  
Yea I know  
Found out yesterday

**Ransom**  
during your fun adventure, right?  
how was that?

**Jack**  
fine  
it was fine  
is shitty there yet?

**Shitty  
** Lards I’ve been standing here for like ten minutes stop looking at your phone and get in

**Lardo**  
lol sorry guys gtg  
bitty I’ll talk to you later  
;)

Bye, Lardo  
I can’t believe you guys were making such a big deal about Jack being Canadian  
I don’t really care – it’s not a big deal

**Ransom**  
thanks bitty :)  
i'm glad you support us and our love of maple syrup and Justin Trudeau  
(who is a hot piece of work tbh)

:)  
lol yes he is

**Holster**  
you guys are so cute  
Don’t you think so, Jack?

**Jack**  
yeah  
cute


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A "special group chat"

# Group Chat

**Shitty  
** ok so I made this special group chat so we could fill you in on what’s going on w/ jack and bitty

**Larissa**  
why tf hasn’t anyone told him he’s gaming with Jack Zimmermann?

**Justin  
** tbch, we thought it would be hilarious

**Adam**  
yea we have receipts of him gushing over jack  
and we thought he wouldn’t believe us if we told him right then  
so we decided, universally, to wait until later to tell him

**Larissa**  
wow  
i leave u guys alone for like a month  
and you fuck up a poor kid

To be fair, I was against this from the beginning  
But I can’t exactly tell him now

**Larissa**  
yea you can  
just tell him hey btw I’m Jack  
and send him a selfie

**Shitty**  
there’s a problem with that plan  
bitty sent jack some rpf

**Justin  
** holy shit

**Adam**  
omfg

**Larissa**  
tell me it wasn’t with kent

It was with Kent

**Justin  
** HOLY SHIT

**Larissa  
** dude

**Shitty**  
yea  
so in order to save bitty from further embarrassment, we can’t tell him

**Larissa**  
I’ll be honest  
this sounds like an awful plan  
he’s gonna find out somehow

**Shitty**  
we can’t subject him to that  
not yet, at least

**Adam**  
he’s a bowl of sunshine  
you know what he’s doing in the group chat  
acting real cute while we’re talking about him

**Justin**  
dude we’re all in the group chat  
we know what he’s doing

How about we just deal with it later and go back to our main objective  
Beating the Dragon Dungeon

**Larissa  
** fine but when this blows up in everyone’s face don’t come crying to me

**Shitty  
** when has anything ever blown up in our faces?

**Larissa  
** pulling up the receipts now

**Justin**  
oh boy this is gonna be a long one

It’ll be fine  
Besides, Eric is a good person  
He’d understand  
I hope

**Adam**  
wow jack way to be confident

**Justin**  
cut him some slack  
he doesn’t want to have his number one fan hate him  
especially after reccing him fic about himself

**Larissa**  
can you send the link plz

You guys are ridiculous  
I’m leaving this group chat

**Larissa**  
but what about the link??

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are gonna be less regular because 1, college is starting on Monday and I'm stressed af and 2, I've decided to embark on an epic story about Remus Lupin so that's going to be a downhill spiral while I write the tragic life of my favorite gay son.
> 
> Next update hopefully soon ;)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to gaming.

You have arrived in [Raider's Cave].

 

[Guild] omgmedic: okay this is a little  
[Guild] oluransi: intimidating?  
[Guild] brickholtz: awe-inspiring?  
[Guild] omgmedic: i was gonna go with big  
[Guild] metaphysics: good one  
[Guild] bsknight: eyy, johnson, where you been?  
[Guild] metaphysics: eh, just "interning"  
[Guild] metaphysics: the author actually forgot i was a character  
[Guild] metaphysics: she can't wait to write me off and replace me with (a) surprise mystery character(s)  
[Guild] artsynerf: lmao classic Johnson  
[Guild] brickholtz: srsly dude just speak in english man  
[Guild] brickholtz: im begging you  
[Guild] metaphysics: your dissent is noted and we will get back to you shortly  
[Guild] omgmedic: so this isn't the dragon dungeon  
[Guild] omgmedic: but this does have a dragon in it?  
[Guild] artsynerf: yup  
[Guild] oluransi: you see, as this is Dragon's Gate (tm), there do have to be some dragons around aside from the final boss dungeon  
[Guild] brickholtz: and they can't have the final boss dungeon "unbeatable" (though it CAN be fucking nearly impossible to beat)  
[Guild] oluransi: so they have these dungeons with double bosses (like last time), dungeons with dragons, and dungeons with double bosses AND dragons  
[Guild] brickholtz: all so you can (hopefully) beat the final dungeon  
[Guild] oluransi: it has 3 dragon bosses  
[Guild] artsynerf: it's pretty fucked up  
[Guild] bsknight: come on guys youre making it sound worse than it is  
[Guild] bsknight: it might actually be fine  
[Guild] jzimms: we won't find out until we go in  
[Guild] jzimms: everyone ready?  
[Guild] artsynerf: yea man just waiting for you  
[Guild] jzimms: all right let's go

 

[Whisper] omgmedic: hey jack, i just wanted to apologize again  
[Whisper] omgmedic: i really didnt mean to offend you  
[Whisper] jzimms: eric, seriously, it's okay  
[Whisper] jzimms: i just forgot to reply to your original apology text  
[Whisper] jzimms: i forgive you  
[Whisper] omgmedic: okay but i really am sorry  
[Whisper] jzimms: eric  
[Whisper] omgmedic: :/  
[Whisper] jzimms: if it makes you feel better, shitty really liked it  
[Whisper] omgmedic: really?  
[Whisper] omgmedic: lol that does make me feel better  
[Whisper] jzimms: good  
[Whisper] jzimms: all right let's get back to the guild chat

 

[Guild] artsynerf: face it  
[Guild] artsynerf: i killed the goblin so i get the staff  
[Guild] oluransi: you don't even it! you're a gunslinger!  
[Guild] oluransi: i haven't had a weapons upgrade in ages!  
[Guild] bsknight: um excuse me do you even know how few weapons apply to orcs  
[Guild] artsynerf: you're the one who wanted to play as a minor class  
[Guild] oluransi: yea man stay out of this  
[Guild] bsknight: jack back me up man!  
[Guild] jzimms: no way man, you're on your own  
[Guild] brickholtz: this is tearing our guild apart  
[Guild] metaphysics: give it to eric  
[Guild] omgmedic: sorry got up to get a soda  
[Guild] omgmedic: give what to me?  
[Guild] artsynerf: go ahead and loot that goblin  
[Guild] omgmedic: uh ok

 

You have obtained [Tempest].

 

[Guild] oluransi: bruh that is a sick staff  
[Guild] artsynerf: ready to go fuck up some dragons with it?  
[Guild] omgmedic: yes!  
[Guild] omgmedic: wait hang on

 

You cast [Protect] on your party.  
You cast [Shell] on your party.  
You cast [Haste] on your party.  
You cast [Regeneration] on your party.

 

[Guild] omgmedic: i was playing a bit yesterday and i learned some new support spells  
[Guild] jzimms: wow that was very good, eric  
[Guild] jzimms: good job  
[Guild] artsynerf: fuck jack just complimented someone on their skills in this game  
[Guild] metaphysics: it was prophecised but i never believed it  
[Guild] brickholtz: the end of times  
[Guild] oluransi: get to your underground bunkers everyone  
[Guild] jzimms: haha very funny  
[Guild] bsknight: who says we're joking  
[Guild] jzimms: do you guys want to defeat this dragon or not?  
[Guild] bsknight: fine fine let's go.

 

You have entered a battle with [Racknor].  
Racknor: [screeches]

 

[Guild] brickholtz: screeches?  
[Guild] oluransi: wasn't a raknor a species in star wars  
[Guild] brickholtz: it does sound familiar  
[Guild] oluransi: oh fuck heads up man

 

You healed [brickholtz].

 

[Guild] brickholtz: thanks bitty  
[Guild] omgmedic: no prob bob  
[Guild] brickholtz: it's adam, actually

 

You healed [brickholtz].  
You healed [oluransi].  
You healed [artsynerf].  
You healed [brickholtz].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [metaphysics].  
You healed [jzimms].  
You healed [brickholtz].

 

[Guild] bsknight: i'm out of mana!  
[Guild] artsynerf: and i'm out of bullets  
[Guild] jzimms: we need one more ranged attack  
[Guild] metaphysics: bitty's weapon gives him an advantage  
[Guild] omgmedic: i'm on it  
[Guild] brickholtz: bitty for the gold!  
[Guild] oluransi: you can do it, man!

 

You defeated [Racknor].  
Your party has received experience.  
Congratulations! You have levelled up to [Level 47].  
Your loot has been transferred to your inventory.

 

[Guild] omgmedic: wooohooo! we did it!  
[Guild] brickholtz: nice job, man  
[Guild] oluransi: we believed in you  
[Guild] artsynerf: swawesome man  
[Guild] metaphysics: this is called forshadowing  
[Guild] metaphysics: audience, remember this moment  
[Guild] brickholtz: johnson why can we never enjoy anything without your strange commentary  
[Guild] metaphysics: because  
[Guild] bsknight: nice one, man~  
[Guild] bsknight: i always knew you should have the weapon  
[Guild] oluransi: no you didn’t  
[Guild] bsknight: i told you you should take the weapon  
[Guild] artsynerf: no you didn’t  
[Guild] bsknight: i let you into this guild  
[Guild] jzimms: no you didn't  
[Guild] bsknight: well i said we should let you in!  
[Guild] brickholtz: can't argue with that  
[Guild] jzimms: all right, so, one more dungeon and we're done for the night?  
[Guild] omgmedic: sounds good to me!  
[Guild] artsynerf: lead the way man

 

[Whisper] jzimms: really good job, eric  
[Whisper] omgmedic: thanks  
[Whisper] omgmedic: i had a good teacher  
[Whisper] omgmedic: ;)

 

[Guild] bsknight: jack you okay?  
[Guild] bsknight: you just hit a wall  
[Guild] jzimms: i'm good  
[Guild] jzimms: pressed the wrong button

 

[Whisper] jzimms: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legitimately forgot Johnson was a character.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Bitty, part one.

#  Jack 

Hey, Eric  
Are you busy?

Nah just reading in bed  
What’s up?

You like baking, right?

No  
I LOVE baking  
Get your facts straight, Jack

Honest mistake  
Won’t happen again

It better not  
;)  
Anyway, you have a baking problem?

Well, less of a problem and more of a dilemma  
My mother’s birthday is coming up shortly before the 4th of July and my father and I wanted to have a small private gathering with her before the real party, so I thought if I baked something for her, it would be more intimate

That’s such a sweet idea  
What went wrong?

I tried this packet but it came out weird  
Let me send you a picture  
[image attached]

Oh  
I can see why you called me  
First thing’s first, throw away that… thing  
We’re baking from scratch

Eric, I’ve never baked a thing before in my life

Not a problem, I’ll guide you every step of the way  
By the end of this, you’ll be a master baker and you’ll never buy anything from the store ever again  
Or, at the very least, your mother will have a happy birthday

That’s all I’m looking for  
:)

:)  
All right, can you head to your nearest supermarket right now?  
I’ll text you the ingredients on your way there

All right, heading to the car now  
Will text you when I’m there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm not an artist, you only get [image attached] and no actual images. Also I have no idea how to embed images into ao3 so there's that.
> 
> Thank you for the school well-wishes - a lot has been happening so far, including a lot of personal stuff, so I've been working on some other fics to sort of write them out, so if Inception or Star Trek is your cup of tea, feel free to check them out!
> 
> Part two should be up either this Friday or sometime next week.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of three.

# Jack

Ok so I’m at the store and I can’t find the brand of organic cocoa you want me to get

I was afraid this would happen  
since this is your first time I wanted you to be perfectly prepared  
but I guess we’ll have to improvise

I’m getting the store brand one

Jack, it’s your first cake! For your mom!  
Indulge!  
At least get the Hershey’s one

Okay, okay  
All of this is for one cake?

When you level up in baking, then you can use less ingredients

I can’t believe you’re calling me a baking “noob”

Omg  
it’s n00b not “noob”

Oh  
I honestly had no idea

Are you serious??

…  
Yes

Omg Jack you’re adorable  
*hilarious  
I meant hilarious not adorable  
not that you can’t be adorable  
I mean, sure, you can be adorable  
Not that I’ve ever thought of you like that  
hahahha

Eric it’s fine  
For the record, I think you’re *hilarious too

Lol thanks  
okay did you get everything on the list?  
Jack?  
Jack??

Sorry I was paying for the supplies  
Heading to the car now

Ok let me know when you’re there

Okay I’m in the kitchen now  
What’s the first step?

Set your oven to 350 degrees and show me your baking supplies

I have to set my oven before cooking?

…  
Jack, do you not know what preheating is?

Yes

That didn’t sound convincing

Eric we’re texting there is no sound

This is worse than I thought  
Okay we’re going to have to do this via FaceTime

FaceTime? Is that really necessary?  
Can’t I just take pictures and we can keep texting?

This’ll be much easier  
Plus it’s unfair that you’ve seen my face when we were all posting selfies the other day and you didn’t have to post yours

I guess you have a point

I promise I won’t make fun of your baking skills, however horrendous they might be

Okay, Eric  
I trust you

Thanks :)

:)

K I’m going to call you now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this part up early because I gotta get ready for a concert tonight (I'm seeing Hayley Kiyoko!!)
> 
> Part three should be up sometime next week, hopefully :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part three of three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. here we are.
> 
> anyone know the return policy on college ~~and the entire year of 2016 itself~~ please and thank you

# Group Chat

Hey, everyone?

**Shitty  
** yea what’s up?

I know that our Jack is Jack Laurent Zimmermann, the esteemed hockey player

**Ransom**  
WHAT???

**Holster**  
OMG!!!  
We had no idea

**Jack**  
He knows you all hid it from him

**Holster**  
aw man  
look bitty we’re really sorry

It’s okay, I understand why y’all had to hide it  
There was no guarantee I wasn’t crazy and you didn’t know how I’d react when I find out

**Johnson**  
for the record, I knew this was going to happen

**Lardo**  
lol classic Johnson  
how did you find out?

He needed help baking and we did a FaceTime  
I recognized his voice and made him show me his face

**Shitty**  
omg  
did u freak??

A little  
mostly about how much I’d gushed about him  
and the fact that I’ve sent him fanfic about himself  
really only the last part

**Jack**  
I keep telling you it’s okay

**Shitty  
** it was really good fanfic tbch

**Lardo**  
yea it was

**Ransom  
** well I’m glad that’s out in the open

**Holster**  
me too  
you know you’re jack’s fave fan?

**Ransom**  
yea defs  
he loves it when you talk about him

Haha lol I bet  
he really is a good player, though

**Shitty**  
you’re not just saying that because he’s in this groupchat, right?

No, I thought that before I met him  
I still can’t believe I play an mmorpg with a real celebrity

**Lardo  
** eh you get used to it

**Holster  
** it helps that jack is a huge nerd

**Ransom**  
he watches history documentaries  
FOR FUN

**Jack  
** They’re very entertaining and educational

**Holster**  
and he doesn’t know a lick of pop culture

Believe me, I learned that the hard way  
I sent him the entire Beyoncé discography after that fiasco

**Shitty**  
that was a haunting time for all of us

I’m really glad you guys trust me now, enough to tell me this very important piece of information

**Lardo**  
you’re in our guild, our group chat, and our hearts  
you’re one of us  
that’s the way it goes

**Johnson  
** there’s an unwritten rule about it somewhere

**Lardo**  
thnx Johnson for backing me up

Y’all are just the sweetest, honestly  
and I think now is as good as time as any to come out  
I’m gay

**Holster  
** well that’s a relief

What?

**Ransom**  
let’s just say none of us are a 0 on the kinsey scale

**Shitty**  
though there are many implicit problems with that scale  
don’t get me started

**Lardo**  
please don’t get him started

So you’re all  
Wow  
I mean, I’ve always been closeted down here so I’ve never really had that many non-straight friends  
This is a relief guys  
Thank you

**Jack**  
honestly, Eric, it’s no problem  
also while I’d hate to cut this short, we do have to finish baking  
the oven’s started beeping and I don’t know what to do

Good lord  
I’m calling you right now

**Ransom**  
do you think

**Johnson**  
yes

**Holster**  
he didn’t even finish the question  
and you can’t know the answer immediately

**Johnson**  
I can and I do  
the answer is yes


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vlog update

**Transcript of Vlog – June 2013 #3**

Hey, y’all, sorry about the late update, but this is going to be a short one. I gotta get ready tonight because tomorrow, well, I’ll tell in a second. ( _wink_ )

So a lot has happened since my last video. The training session with Jack at 9 am wasn’t as terrible as I thought it would be, actually. He’s really sweet once you get to know him and everything about him really makes sense when you do.

We’ve been getting closer as a group, actually, and now I know a little more about them. I won’t say much, because a lot of it is personal, but I’ll say what they’re letting me say – and I know they’re checking because I told them about this vlog. Hey, guys! ( _waves_ )

Anyway, so yeah – Jack and Shitty were the first to meet in-game. Shitty thought Jack was a very good player though he took the role-playing too seriously and Jack thought Shitty was strange for playing while he’s high, but eventually and surprisingly, they became fast friends.

Jack knew Ransom through a youth hockey tournament camp something – I don’t really know how it works up there in Canada – and Shitty knew Johnson through a shared internship. Johnson, in turn, knew Lardo – still feel weird calling her that, she’s very nice! – and Holster from college and they all created a guild together.

And guess what – Lardo, Johnson, and Holster, they all go to Samwell! ( _excited squealing_ )

They’re helping me out with a lot of college stuff, so that’s a huge relief, and I’ll be able to see them when I finally go down for orientation and moving in! And the rest of them are coming down too, to just help out and come around – even Jack, though he’s – uh, he lives far away. In Canada, actually. With Justin Trudeau.

Well, not _with_ Trudeau. He actually lives in Montreal when he’s not living in the States. And his Quebecoise accent is really, um…

Anyway, right, so, the guild just finished our fifth double- boss dungeon – the dragon in this one was actually _terrifying_ and I nearly died twice, but we managed to push them back at the last minute and defeat them.

After that, Jack thought we were finally ready and tomorrow – well, tomorrow is the big day. We’re going to face the big, bad Dragon Dungeon.

We’ve had a lot of ups and downs on this team but I’m confident we can do this. I believe in us.

All right, I’ll let y’all know how it goes!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dragon Dungeon

You have entered [The Dragon Dungeon].

[Guild] omgmedic: wow  
[Guild] oluransi: yea i kno  
[Guild] brickholtz: it's the stuff of nightmares  
[Guild] omgmedic: its almost extra scary because it's raining pretty hard here  
[Guild] artsynerf: yikes  
[Guild] metaphysics: it's pretty sunny here  
[Guild] metaphysics: in microsoft word  
[Guild] artsynerf: fucking classic, johnson  
[Guild] brickholtz: why do you keep encouraging him??????  
[Guild] metaphysics: :)  
[Guild] brickholtz: i'm gonna fucking explode  
[Guild] jzimms: save it for the dragons  
[Guild] jzimms: lets go over the game plan one more time  
[Guild] bsknight: srsly?? we know it by heart now  
[Guild] oluransi: i have it tattooed on my chest  
[Guild] jzimms: that wouldn't be pratical  
[Guild] oluransi: no but it would look fucking awesome  
[Guild] artsynerf: he does have a point  
[Guild] jzimms: i'm just going to bring us back on topic  
[Guild] jzimms: now, there are three of them and they attack at the same time  
[Guild] jzimms: we know their weaknesses and we know how to defend ourselves from their attacks  
[Guild] jzimms: who's attacking the lightning one?  
[Guild] bsknight: u forgot?  
[Guild] bsknight: lol jk don't kill me  
[Guild] bsknight: it's me and lardo  
[Guild] jzimms: the ice one?  
[Guild] brickholtz: me and ransom  
[Guild] oluransi: tag team bruh  
[Guild] jzimms: and johnson and i are tackling the fire one  
[Guild] metaphysics: i know  
[Guild] jzimms: now, remember, eric is going to stay behind and keep our support, so whatever happens, don't let the dragons go after him  
[Guild] jzimms: and don't spam the chat inbox when you need help. only message once and we'll try to help out asap  
[Guild] jzimms: i'd recommend turning off all notifications for the battle, just to make it easier.  
[Guild] omgmedic: already done  
[Guild] jzimms: all right. everyone ready?  
[Guild] brickholtz: ready as i'll ever be  
[Guild] bsknight: same  
[Guild] oluransi: same  
[Guild] metaphysics: same  
[Guild] artsynerf: same  
[Guild] omgmedic: same  
[Guild] jzimms: wow what a rousing battle cry  
[Guild] jzimms: all right let's go

You have entered a battle with [The Dragon Gods].

[Guild] bsknight: what a fucking title  
[Guild] artsynerf: srsly??? now???  
[Guild] bsknight: right sorry lol  
[Guild] brickholtz: fuck this thing packs a punch!!  
[Guild] brickholtz: and i'm a fucking tank!  
[Guild] oluransi: watch out!  
[Guild] brickholtz: holy fick  
[Guild] omgmedic: don't worry, i got you!  
[Guild] jzimms: keep a safe distance, eric!  
[Guild] bsknight: bitty! shell!  
[Guild] omgmedic: i'll be right there!  
[Guild] oluransi: lardo we need grenades  
[Guild] artsynerf: sorry i can't  
[Guild] artsynerf: shitty can't handle this alone  
[Guild] omgmedic: i can jump in!  
[Guild] jzimms: stick to the plan, guys  
[Guild] omgmedic: it'll only be for a sec!  
[Guild] jzimms: okay, fine, but hurry!  
[Guild] bsknight: guys we might actually win this!  
[Guild] metaphysics: tempting fate  
[Guild] brickholtz: for once i agree with johnson  
[Guild] artsynerf: uh guys?  
[Guild] artsynerf: wtf are the dragons doing??  
[Guild] jzimms: it's their combined attack  
[Guild] jzimms: we just need to block at the right moment  
[Guild] jzimms: get ready  
[Guild] jzimms: bitty start casting shells  
[Guild] omgmedic: on it  
[Guild] omgmedic: oh thank you so much for that magic boost shitty i was about to throw away my computer  
[Guild] bsknight: np bitty it's what friends do  
[Guild] jzimms: bitty look out!

You were defeated.

[Guild] oluransi: fuck, bitty, u ok???  
[Guild] brickholtz: how do we revive him???  
[Guild] artsynerf: hang there i have a phoenix down!  
[Guild] omgmedic: that was such a stupid mistake  
[Guild] omgmedic: forgetting to shell myself  
[Guild] jzimms: it's okay eric  
[Guild] jzimms: people make mistakes

You were revived by [artsynerf].

[Guild] artsynerf: go get em kid!  
[Guild] omgmedic: thanks lardo  
[Guild] omgmedic: now let's kick some dragon

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy winter break, y'all!

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will hopefully be once or twice a week, depending on how I'm doing on my finals, and how quickly I can write new ones once my reserve is depleted.
> 
> If you like gaming and/or baking, [hit me up](http://poeorgana.tumblr.com/)


End file.
